Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Gather My Insecurities...

I don't ever desire to use my blog as my whining place, and there is a big part of me that believes that is part of my issue. However, I do desire to be transparent, and it's that part of me I hope comes out.

I am feeling insecure right now.

There..I said it..

And I really dislike the feeling.

I feel insecure about my body, which is already undergoing changes. I don't feel pregnant..I just feel overly pudgy at this point.

And, so many days, I wonder, if I'm too much or not enough for those people around me, especially my friends and family. You know the dance - trying to be "just right" and balanced in all of your relationships, all the while wondering if you really are.

So, I went searching last night, and the God who bends down and listens to me whine..ahem...pray...gave my heart the reassurance that it needed.

Romans 8: 38-39 - "And I am convinced that nothing can ever seperate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to seperate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NLT)

Nothing...not hormones or my own insecurities. I aslo found this great verse.

Psalm 52:8 - "But I am like an olive tree, thriving in the house of God. I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever." (NLT)

Again, what a relief. My trust is not in myself, but in God's amazing love, which, if you didn't catch it up there, we can NEVER, no, not EVER be seperated from.

After reading in my Bible a bit, I opened up the book Captivating (by John and Stasi Eldridge) and, turning to the back, my eyes fell upon some encouragement that, again, God knew my heart needed.

"As a woman who has been ransomed and redeemed, you can be strong and tender. You speak to the world of God's mercy, mystery, beauty, and his desire for intimate relationship. You are inviting; you can risk being vulnerable, offering the weight of your life as well as your need for more because you are safe in God's love."

There it was again. I am safe in God's love. I thrive in God's love. I can't be seperated from His love.

Those are all really great reasons to JUST BE ME - pregnant pooch and all.

I'm ending this post with the lyrics of a Reliant K song called "For The Moment I Feel Faint" (go download it. It's not a typical sounding Reliant K song. It's very acoutic...really nice)

Lord, I gather all of my insufficiencies and place them in your hands...

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you your wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I throw up my hands
Oh, the impossibilities
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
Place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands


Lindsay said...

That is so cool! (sounds odd to say that your moment of insecurity is cool!) But Praise God. You ran to Him. He wanted that time with you and He blessed you in it! And then you turn and bless others with His word! I love you friend!

Andrea said...

I very firmly believe that it's in our moments when we feel weak God chooses to reach us and open our hearts to His possibilities. God is about to do great things with you, my friend. I can't wait to see all the blessings He's preparing to pour onto you and your family.

Tracy said...

I agree with the girls...you did the best thing by going to him! This is what you have taught me my friend! I know that there is going to be awesomely good things for you...and being insecure is ok, that's why God gave us awesome support systems (like this great group of women I know!)
Love Ya