Dry-Part 2

 
It was a December morning (2006) at Compass Church, and our daughter was playing a sheep in the Christmas program. A chain of events had led to our pastor stepping down for what I thought was just a few months, and although I was looking to transition out of my church job, I was still currently loving every minute of it, and loving in every way my church family, and my place inside it.

I remember doing the announcements that morning with genuine excitement and joy. I remember announcing that we were having a church family meeting that evening to discuss the situation surrounding our Pastor’s current step-down and return.

The evening came, and as the meeting progressed I watched for one of the first times in my life as a few sheep of God’s family proceeded to verbally rip to shreds the man who was my co-worker, my pastor, and most of all, my friend. Something crumpled in my spirit that night, and I will not grace the months that followed with many comments except to say that it was one of the more miserable experiences of my life.

Please know that although I questioned God as to why this was happening, I didn’t blame Him ever, at all, for what happened. I didn’t even realize that I was allowing (and would allow) this wound to distance me from my Heavenly Father.

The months that followed that meeting were full of my husband and I seeking new direction from God. Some of our oldest and best friends had felt the call of God to start a church plant sometime in 2007, and they asked if we would come and be a part of it. They wanted my husband to help lead worship. We weren’t sure though, since we were strongly considering a move out-of-state to Oklahoma, where my sister and her husband both lived.

We felt like our family was ready for a big change, and so on our anniversary, March 2007, my hubby and I flew out to Norman to visit my sister and brother-in-law, look at houses, and spend some time in prayer about what then next step would be for our family. In short, we loved it, but after a LOT of prayer, we both felt that God was asking us to stay in Phoenix for now and be obedient to help start the church plant.

I can’t say I said "Yes" to the church plant with joy, though. In a way, although I knew we were obeying, I was angry at God for saying “No” to Oklahoma. Most of you who know me well know that I desire a smaller, slower pace-of-life outside of Phoenix, and have for some time. I couldn’t understand why God said “No” to such a big desire of my heart.

The river drained dry just a little more, as I allowed more distance to develop between my Lord and I.

So, in September 2007, we helped open the doors for The Way Christian Fellowship.

And my heart has been stuck in a muddy, dried-up place ever since. I am currently doing children’s ministry, which I really, really, really, don’t feel called to, and am struggling with guilt over because I just don’t enjoy it at all. I won’t stay there forever, I’m sure, but with a church so small there really is no-one else to do it. The core families’ wives that helped to start the church plant are the ones working nursery/kids right now (including the pastor’s wife) because it has to be that way. And my husband is leading worship again, but I have struggled with all of the time commitments that means – including worship band practices, extra church meetings with the pastor, and not getting to see and/or go to the church with my husband on Sunday morning.

And, looking back, I can tell you this – I MISS my church family at Compass. My original, beautiful, vibrant church family. Where I watched church softball games, and had my girls dedicated, and listened to the truth being spoken, and singing “How Great Is Our God” at the top of my lungs with both arms raised high. I miss it SO much, and pockets of my heart still ache for it.

And most of all, I miss the JOY and INTIMACY that I have always had with my Heavenly Papa.

.......I want it back.

Please pray for this season of spiritual dryness in my life.