Thursday, December 06, 2007

I Want A Hippopotomus For Christmas...

I don't have a lot of time here, but my friends Scott (who cares not to listen to one more line of Feliz Navidad) and Nickle-Pickle got me to thinking about annoying Christmas carols. My own personal vote is for "I Want A Hippopotumus For Christmas" When I use to work at Hallmark, our manager made us turn it to the All-Christmas music station the day after Thanksgiving, which for you Phoenix people who know what I'm talking about, doesn't it seem like they play the EXACT same versions of every single song every single year??!! Well, that one RIDICULOUS hippo song would play over and over again and get stuck in my brain at the oddest times (like now....)
I WANT A HIPPOPOTUMUS FOR CHR-IST-MAS
ONLY A HIPPOPOTUMUS WILL DO

AHHHHH!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!

Anyway, in my own little search on the web for annoying Christmas songs, I found a writer over at a site called Platypus Comix and his own take on my friend Nickle-Pickle's personal pick of all-time annoying Christmas song, "The Christmas Shoes" I thought it was very funny...
And the WORST OFFENDER.....
#1 "THE CHRISTMAS SHOES"

AWFUL! AWFUL! AWFUL!

The newest and absolute WORST entry in the Christmas Song Collection. I can't stand it and I won't put up with it. If it comes on the radio, the radio goes OFF. If it comes on the supermarket PA system, I blow up the supermarket. No one is going to subject me to this wretched thing without a fight.

See, when you're making something Christmassy, what usually works is keeping the sentimentality subtle. This wasn't the approach when they were making "The Christmas Shoes. They were setting out to smash the audience with an emotional anvil so deadly, you'd have to be a cheerleader in Texas to have any hope of survival. "Okay, his mother's dying. No, we have to make it worse! Okay, she's dying AND they're dirt poor! NO! WORSE! They're so poor they can't even afford a lousy pair of shoes from K-Mart! And the kid is at the counter, crying because he sweetly and naively thinks she needs nice shoes to get into Heaven! Hoooo, terrible! Now we got a winner!"

As Christmas carols go, this isn't the one you'd pick to sing at your neighbor's door. It's not exactly "jolly." Many people can't make it through this song; some even break down crying whenever they hear it begin. This is a problem for all of society.

"Billy, you stay close to me and don't wander off....oh no, it's that song again....sniff, I never make it through this....OH IT'S SO SAD! BWAAAAHH HAA HAAAA!! Okay, it's over....wait, where'd my son go?"

"All right, this next part of the heart surgery is very delicate, so we have to be very fast and precise once we open this valve.....oh, The Christmas Shoes is coming on the hospital music speakers! Oh no, this always makes me cry! BWAAAAHH HA HA HA HAAAHHH!! ....Oops.....

"The Christmas Shoes" is a threat to our health and safety, and the only solution is a nationwide ban. Join me in the struggle, and together, we can make a difference.


What's your vote for most annoying Christmas song of all time?

2 comments:

Nicole said...

You, my dearest and cutest friend, have managed once again to make me totally crack up!!! So, glad to know that I am not the only one that would like to ban that sappy song!
I LOVE YOU SISTER!!!

Tracy said...

you know I have never heard that song....doesn't sound like I want to so don't let me listen to it!!